


Worms

by OpensUp4Nobody



Series: Odd Unrelated Mini-fics [2]
Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: M/M, One Shot, consider yourself warned, fluff? sort of, i dont know why i wrote this, it is very weird
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-16 10:04:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17547605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OpensUp4Nobody/pseuds/OpensUp4Nobody
Summary: Enjolras finds himself in a situation he had never in his life anticipated and reacts accordingly, though perhaps not entirely rationally.





	Worms

**Author's Note:**

> Listen, before you read this I'm preemptivly sorry...
> 
> Warning for worms if that sort of thing grosses you out?
> 
> And bless shitpostingfromthebarricade for being a lovely beta :-)

Enjolras was annoyed.

He'd been pulled away from work to go to a seminar on local tree species. Why the focus on trees? He did not know, and it would take a lot of energy he didn’t have to care. Technically it was Cosette's fault he was there: she was the one who volunteered for the parks service, but he could not direct his irritation entirely onto her: Courfeyrac had been the one to abduct him from his home and force him to be there, despite the evening’s flash flood warning.

A glance to his right informed him that Courfeyrac might just be regretting his decision as well. He was slumped so far down in his seat that his hands brushed the floor. He had only wanted to come for the meal afterward, he’d made that abundantly clear on the drive up. The lodge where the droning mess of a seminar was being held was legendary for their French toast and they had promised breakfast for dinner as an incentive to attend.  

Bossuet, Joly, Bahorel, and Grantaire had been tempted along for the same reason. They appeared about as bored as Enjolras felt. Bossuet and Joly were passing notes two rows ahead and Bahorel’s head was dipping as he tried to stay awake. And Grantaire... Enjolras took a moment to scan the room. Grantaire appeared to be missing. After a moment’s consideration, he realized that he hadn’t even seen Grantaire come into the building. He had been in the parking lot with the others before they had all gone in, but Enjolras had lost track of him before reaching the door.

Perhaps he had sensed the looming boredom. Grantaire was good about slinking off to avoid unpleasantness, though usually it was by coincidence rather than good sense.

But, Enjolras reasoned, maybe it was better that he had gone off rather than attending. If he were there, Enjolras might have ended up sneaking glances at him the entire time. He had been doing that a lot lately. Why? Because Grantaire was… He was  _ something _ . What sort of something he was, Enjolras could not quite place, therefore he did a lot of… observing. He hoped no one had noticed but they probably had. Enjolras was not known for subtlety.

Enjolras occupied himself with philosophical ponderings on the nature of Grantaire as the lecture reached its conclusion. He hauled himself upward with a wary sigh as they were all herded into another room for food. 

Enjolras continued to be annoyed as he poked at his French toast.

He couldn't leave because Courfeyrac had banned anyone from driving him home, so he engaged Combeferre--the only one who had attended out of genuine interest--in a discussion on national parks funding. Twenty minutes in, Grantaire came staggering into the room looking far more intoxicated than he had an hour and a half ago. 

He must have come in as it started to rain: his shirt was damp around the shoulders. Logically, one could only conclude that he'd spent the time wandering drunkenly through the woods. Curiously, he carried with him a small pink sand castle bucket over which he clasped a hand, effectively hiding its contents.

"What's that, R?" Bossuet asked, reaching for the bucket when Grantaire wandered close enough.

The drunk held the bucket away, pressing a finger to his lips. "It's a secret."

"A secret you say?" Courfeyrac leaned forward with interest.

"Yes."

"Not for long." Courfeyrac stood, eyes locked on the bucket.

"Back off," Grantaire said, grabbing a plastic fork off a nearby table.

"There's no need for violence, Grantaire,” Combeferre soothed. “We’re simply curious."

This was the start of a barrage of questioning as Grantaire continued to deflect everyone who tried to approach him. 

After ten minutes of failed attempts to sneak the bucket away, Courfeyrac approached Combeferre and Enjolras who had both abstained from the harassment in favor of observing.

"You try asking," Courfeyrac nudged Enjolras, nodding toward Grantaire.

Enjolras pursed his lips. "What makes you think he'll tell me?"

"You're charismatic, oh bold and noble leader. Go convince him to tell you. Win his trust and all that."

"You're forgetting this is Grantaire." Enjolras rolled his eyes. "I couldn't convince Grantaire that the sky was blue."

"Then seduce it out of him!” He wrapped his arms around Enjolras’ neck, whining obnoxiously. “You know you want toooooo. And, for the love of all that is holy, I must know what secrets lay inside that bucket. Two birds with one stone."

“I choose not to understand what you are implying.” Enjolras crossed his arms indignantly. 

“Enjolras, there comes a time when we must all face the truth, and for you that time is now.”

“When it’s convenient to you?”

“Exactly.”

"You might as well ask," Combeferre sighed. "You know he's not going to let it go."

Enjolras glared at him.

“All I said was ask,” Combeferre assured. “Whether or not you choose to seduce him is entirely up to you.”

“But you definitely should,” Courfeyrac added, “The pining was cute at first, but at this point it’s just painful.”

"Fine," Enjolras groaned. “I’ll  _ ask, _ and nothing more,” he said, pushing Courfeyrac away and leaving his seat to approach Grantaire. The man in question was peering down at whatever was inside his bucket, holding Bahorel back with a hand to the face.

Enjolras paused to watch them. Grantaire took notice and grinned up at him a little too widely. "Apollo! Have they sent you to enquire after the secrets within my bucket?"

"I've been instructed to seduce it out of you if I have to."

"I’m sure you would have done a lovely job of it,” Grantaire snorted, “but, lucky for you, that shall not be necessary! You are exactly the person with whom I wanted to share this tempting little secret."

"Why does he get to see?" Bahorel whined.

"Because I—" he began, holding out the note far longer than necessary, "said so. Come with me, Apollo." He grabbed Enjolras by the arm, pulling him down a hall toward the observation area and slipping out the door onto the deck. The lodge overlooked the surrounding forest from its position atop the hill. It was too dark to see much of anything, but it was pleasantly warm out, the downpour had already begun in earnest as they stood sheltered below the small overhang of the roof.

Once the door was closed behind them, Grantaire turned dramatically under the outdoor lights but said nothing.

"What's in the bucket, R?" Enjolras prompted as was clearly desired.

"A glob of motherfucking worms." Grantaire grinned, tipping the bucket forward to reveal a fair-sized clump of earthworms squirming slowly at the bottom of the bucket.

Enjolras was not quite sure what he had expected and was also unsure what to say to this revelation. After a moment he settled on: "Why?"

"I'm gonna eat em," Grantaire responded, jostling the bucket slightly.

"No, you aren't.”

"Yes, I am,” Grantaire swore, sounding a little too serious. “Don't tell me what to do."

The obstinance in his expression gave Enjolras pause. "Grantaire…" he said slowly, with a growing sense of alarm, " _ d _ o _ not _ eat those worms."

"I’m gonna do it, Apollo,” he said putting a hand into the bucket. “You can’t stop me."

"Hang on!” Enjolras held up a hand, hoping to spare a little time to process what exactly was happening. “Just hang on, I have.... so many questions. Why would you want to eat them? Why are you carrying them around? Why keep them a secret? Why tell  _ me _ of all people?"

"I wanted to watch the horrified look on your face as I sucked down every single one of these little babies." He lifted a handful of worms, letting a few fall back into the bucket.

Enjolras grimaced. "Why are you like this?"

"This is exactly how I choose to be. It’s not my fault you aren’t advanced enough to understand. I shall feed on your horror; your disapproval gives me strength."

"How-“ Enjolras put a hand to his head. “Where did you even get them? It's the middle of the night."

"I have ESP worm detection skulls… skills. I called, and they came because I am their master. And now I will accept their noble sacrifice." He let a single worm dangle between his fingers, opening his mouth. 

Enjolras slapped it out of his hand before he could bring it to his lips. "Stop it!" he shouted. The worm went whizzing off into the darkness.

“No!” Grantaire protested, going back for another worm.

Enjolras grabbed for the bucket, but Grantaire shielded it away. Enjolras reached over the man’s shoulder, reaching until he felt the slimy ooze of worms as he scooped up a handful, clutching them perhaps a bit too tightly. He swiftly ducked away from Grantaire's shouting, stepped out into the rain toward the side of the deck, and flung the worms into the wind.

"Why would you  _ do  _ that!" Grantaire cried, grabbing him around the chest, pinning his arms at his sides and clinging. "You killed them!"

"They're fine," Enjolras snapped.

"You don't know that! Apologize!

"No! I'm not sorry! You were going to eat them anyway. If they’re dead, it was a mercy killing." He pulled the bucket from Grantaire’s hands, dumping the remaining worms away.

Grantaire gave another cry of anguish, leaning his full dead weight onto Enjolras and dragging them both down heavily onto the deck, leaving Enjolras pinned between Grantaire and the wet wood.

Grantaire made a quite sound, his face pressing into Enjolras' shirt before he grabbed the bucket back, peering inside. "One left!” he cried in triumph, lifting the worm. “I'll split it with you, Apollo."

"I'm not going to eat a worm!" Enjolras hissed.

"It's a worm of peace,” Grantaire rationalized. “It'll settle our differences. I'll forgive you if you eat it."

"No."

"Coward."

"Grantaire-"

"You absolute coward!"

"You're not going to taunt me into-"

"Of course not, because  _ you  _ don 't have the  _ guts _ !"

"Fine!" Enjolras ripped the worm out of his hand and without thinking any further, shoved it into his mouth, swallowing as quickly as he could. "Happy?"

"We were supposed to share!" Grantaire groaned, though he was fighting a smile. "Sharing a worm is the most intimate experience a man can have with another man. We could have had something special, Enj. The same worm babies inside of us!"

Enjolras let his head fall against the deck. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"You're the one who just ate a worm."

"That-" he paused. "Don't tell Joly, he'll freak out."

"I'm gonna tell everybody!" Grantaire made to stand, but Enjolras grabbed him, wrestling him back down.

After a moment of struggling, the lodge door slid open. Enjolras looked over Grantaire’s head to see Courfeyrac standing with Bossuet at his shoulder.

"Um, what's going on out here?"

"Nothing!” Enjolras insisted, trying to get a hand over Grantaire’s mouth. “Go away!"

"Help!” Grantaire laughed through his struggling. “My voice is being silenced! This is oppression of the highest order! Enjolras-!"

"Sh!" Enjolras shoved a hand over his mouth and nose.

"E, I told you to seduce him, not suffocate him!” Courfeyrac interjected.

"Courf! Enjolras-" Grantaire swatted the hand away and tried to speak again but was stopped by Enjolras pressing his mouth into a kiss.

“No. Shh," Enjolras repeated, pinching Grantaire's cheeks.

"You cannot bribe me with worm flavored kisses," Grantaire whispered, wide-eyed. "The people must know your sins."

Enjolras calmly put a hand back over his mouth despite the fact that Grantaire had gone very still. “Shh.”

"AaaaAAAaaaaAAaaaa!!! What the fuck is happening?” Courfeyrac demanded, torn between glee and curiosity. “What was in the bucket, Enj? You had a two part mission and I need answers!”

"Go away, Courf," Enjolras instructed, still needling Grantaire with his eyes.

Grantaire gave a muffled sound beneath Enjolras’ hand, still not moving.

“Come on, Courf,” Bossuet said, “Let’s leave them to their bizzare mating rituals, you can interrogate later.” 

“But-”

He was silenced as the door swung shut behind them. 

After a moment, Enjolras released Grantaire’s face. "You will not tell anyone about the worm,” he said sternly, though he felt suddenly very self conscious. 

"I make no promises,” Grantaire said, shaking his head. “It was possibly my second favorite thing to have ever happened ever."

“Then, I dread to ask what your first favorite thing is.” 

“Well…” Grantaire drawled, “No one’s ever kissed me with worm breath before.”

"You're... I don’t even know what you are." Enjolras said, releasing Grantaire completely.

Grantaire did not move away, instead shifting to squish the blond further against the deck in a very heavy hug. “Good,” he sighed happily.

After a few lingering moments Enjolras realized that Grantaire had fallen asle ep.  Instead of pushing him off, he laid there on the deck, motionless as the rain continued to fall, focusing on Grantaire's breathing and trying not to think about the worm he had ingested.

**Author's Note:**

> In my defense, I wrote this while having a meltdown. 
> 
> If you wanna lob a prompt at me, go ahead.
> 
> I'm opens-up-4-nobody on tumblr if you wanna say hi.
> 
> Thanks.


End file.
